


Violent Silence

by smaragdbird



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5793556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the attack, Levi and Hange come to realise that Mike is dead. And that they'll have to tell Erwin once he wakes up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Violent Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2848.html?thread=4801568) prompt on snkkink.

In the chaos created by the sudden appearance of titans inside Wall Rose, the lack of a discernible breach that could have let them in and the revelation of the colossal and the armoured titan, it took them a week to account for all their losses. Hanji was busy with her research and there was no sign of Mike yet so with Erwin injured and unconscious, Levi took over these responsibilities. He sent people out to make lists of those who were injured or dead and to look signs of those who were still missing. Like Mike.

Perhaps it was some sort of foolish hope on his part or perhaps in the aftermath of the last fight it hadn’t really sunken in yet what Mike’s disappearance meant. Nanaba, Henning, Lynne and Gelgar were all accounted for but the last anyone had seen of Mike was him riding off to distract nine titans on his own.

Perhaps Levi had grown too dependent on Mike’s abilities that he didn’t actually think that Mike had been killed until it was the only conclusion left to reach. There was no man matching Mike’s description among the dead or injured and if Levi knew one thing about Mike it was that he was always going to come back to Erwin’s side if humanly possible.

Mike was dead. There was no other conclusion available. Mike was dead.

He would need to tell the others, Hanji, Nifa, and Nile. Despite his habit of sniffing people and not being a man of many words, Mike had been popular with the rest of the scouting legion and the soldiers from his time as recruits that had joined other branches.

He would need to tell Erwin.

Seeing them together one could’ve gotten the impression that Levi and Mike had been friends through association with Erwin and while that had been true at the start, it wasn’t anymore. Levi had enjoyed Mike’s company especially when he hadn’t feel like talking and the two of them had made a formidable team on the battlefield, balancing out each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Also Levi had appreciated Mike’s dry sense of humour.

He knocked on Hanji’s door. “Hey, four eyes, you’ve got a moment?”

“Sure, come in. What is it? By the way I have a theory that I want to look into. I need the Springer boy to come with me and – “She stopped when she saw his face. “Who died?”

“Mike.”

For a moment she was silent when the news hit her, then she let him in. “I have some strong stuff that I acquired the last time we were inside Sina. Should leave some for Erwin though. He doesn’t know yet, right?”

Levi shook his head. “He’s still unconscious.”

“Should I expect Nile on my doorstep then?”

“I haven’t told him yet.”

“So I’m first. You know how to make a woman feel wanted.” She poured them both a generous glass of whiskey. Levi could smell that it was the good stuff. 

Hanji raised her glass and he did the same. “To Mike.”

“To Mike”, he echoed.

“Did anyone ever tell you how Mike refused the recruiter from the military police?” Hanji asked after a moment’s silence. For once Levi was glad for her inability to keep her mouth shut, even if he wouldn’t tell her that. Telling stories about the dead was how she dealt with losing her friends and comrades and Levi didn’t have to deal with the silence stretching inside his head. He never knew how to deal with his friends dying.

Levi shook his head.

“The MP wanted him really badly. He was the top graduate after all.”

“I thought that was Erwin.”

“Hell no. Erwin was like 15 when we graduated, brilliant but clumsy as fuck. Still not sure how he survived training in the first place. When he joined the scouting legion we were all sure he was gonna die as soon as possible. But no, Mike was tall, good looking, perfect grades not a single detention while Erwin didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut yet. The MP recruiter was practically salivating over him. So Mike leans close to the woman and takes one long sniff and then loudly declares that he couldn’t join something that smelled so bad all the time. He made a show of gagging and everything”, Hanji laughed. “I’ve never seen someone become so red in my life.”

Levi tried to picture the moment in his head and while he could see Mike perfectly, imagining Erwin has a clumsy teenager went beyond his creativity. “I must’ve missed some pretty good stuff by not joining earlier.”

“You missed Erwin getting drunk and extremely possessive at Nile’s and Maria’s wedding. Like in the early stages he seemed happier with the whole thing than the actual couple and by the end of it he was draped all over Mike and glared at anyone coming too close. And by too close I mean within 10m or so.”

“Erwin?” Levi raised his eyebrows. He found that hard to believe.

“Wait until you see him drunk. Lets that famous mask of his crumble like wet paper. I’ve seen him drunk twice and both times Mike had to drag him home for his own good – “ she faltered. “I can’t believe he’s not going to be there anymore. I always thought Erwin and Mike were a done deal: as long as we’d have one, we’d have the other.”

“When did that happen, Mike and Erwin?” Levi asked. He had never thought about it before. It had been just another fact in his world: the sky was blue, there were titans outside the Walls and Mike and Erwin were an item.

“No idea. They were basically attached at the hip from day one.” She grimaced. “It’d be kinder if Erwin had died too.”

Levi thought so too but didn’t feel the need to validate her opinion. Speaking ill of the injured was seen as bad luck when it came to their recovery. So instead he said, “I owe Mike fifty quid.”

“What?”

“We bet on the identity of the last two titan shifters. I thought it was Sasha and Jean. He thought it was Reiner and Armin. He got one right so I owe him fifty. Guess I should buy Erwin some booze from that money.”

“Do you want to tell him?” Hanji asked.

Levi hesitated. No one ever wanted to be the bringer of bad news and Hanji had known both Mike and Erwin for longer than he had but still, he felt like it had to be him. He nodded. “You’ll tell Nile then.”

“Nile and Maria and the girls. Did you know that Mike is the godfather of the oldest one?”

Levi shook his head. He and Mike hadn’t really talked about things like that. It was part of why Levi had appreciated their friendship so much. Sitting silently over a beer or two and not doing more than playing a round of darts had been more their thing than talking.

Hanji knocked the rest of her glass back and poured them both another round. “To Mike”, she said again.

“To Mike”, Levi repeated.

/

It was Maria who opened the door when Hanji knocked. When they had been recruits, she had waited tables at the nearest tavern and had been the object of lust of every soldier over the age of fourteen. The life in Sina might be easier than in Rose but time was a harsh mistress to everyone. Her dark hair was streaked with silver and there were lines around her still stunning green eyes.

“Good evening, Captain Hanji, are you here to see Nile?” She asked.

“To see all of you actually”, Hanji replied. 

“Please come in then. He’s in the kitchen, helping the girls with their homework.”

When Nile saw her coming in, the smile he had just given to his eldest daughter, quickly disappeared from his face. He stood up and kissed his youngest daughter’s hair before he walked over to Maria and Hanji.

“Is it Erwin?” He asked without preamble. He knew there were limited reasons why someone from the Legion but Erwin or Mike would visit him. And it was never for good news.

Hanji shook her head. “Mike.”

Maria pressed a hand to her mouth and Nile’s face darkened. “And Erwin?”

“He’s alive, just badly injured. He doesn’t know yet.”

“Dying together would have been kinder”, Maria echoed Hanji’s thoughts exactly. “Tell Erwin that he’s welcome here if he doesn’t want to go home once he’s released from the hospital.”

Next to Maria, Nile nodded. “He’ll pretend everything is fine, but tell him anyway just in case.”

“I will”, Hanji promised.

“Will there be a funeral?” Maria asked.

“We found nothing we could bury” Hanji said as softly as she could. “But there will be a ceremony honouring those who gave their lives during the incursion.”

Nile cast a look at his daughters who all pretended they weren’t trying to listen to what they were discussing. Suddenly Hanji found it hard to look at them without remembering how much Mike had doted on them. Not just Jana, who had been his goddaughter but Elise and Carina as well.

“We need to tell them”, Maria said, following both their glances. 

“I should be going then”, Hanji said quickly. She’d rather not be there for that.

It was Maria who caught her in a hug. “Thank you for telling us. And I’m so sorry.”

There was a lump in Hanji’s throat that had been sitting there since Levi had come to her with the news. She tried to swallow it and failed. “I should really be going”, she repeated, unwilling to cry in front of Maria and Nile, unwilling to cry in front of anyone if she was honest.

“Thank you”, Nile said as well and rested a hand on her shoulder just before she left. “I’ll come by in a couple days, see how Erwin’s doing.”

Instead of going back she went to a bar. Sina had better alcohol than Rose and she really needed a drink.

/

Once Commander Pixis and the Springer boy had left, Hanji and Levi exchanged a look. He nodded slightly and she stood up. 

“Get better soon, Erwin”, she said and squeezed his hand. “We need you.”

“Don’t worry about me”, Erwin said perfectly politely. As soon as Hanji was out of the door, he turned to Levi and asked, “What aren’t you two telling me? Is it about the titans? Or the shifters?”

Levi shook his head. He had been rehearsing this moment over the last couple days but he had never been able to decide on a good way to tell him. So he said simply, “Mike is dead.”

Erwin showed no reaction. 

“Mike is dead, Erwin”, Levi repeated, uncertain of what to do. He had been prepared for many reactions but not this perfectly blank slate that was Erwin’s face right now.

“I heard you, Levi”, Erwin said as if Levi had only told him about the weather. “Are you certain?”

“Yes. There hasn’t been a trace of him since the attack on Utgard. And he’s not among the injured or the dead. We found his horse near where he had last been seen but not him. There were however multiple traces of titans around the area.” Levi rather not imagined what it would have been like being ripped apart by a horde of titans. 

“I see”, Erwin said, still sounding perfectly calm. “I’m quite tired.”

If there was one thing Levi could respect it was the need to grieve alone. “If you need anything - “he said, not sure what he could offer. It wasn’t as if he could bring back Mike from the dead.

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

/

They released him a few days later with strict instructions about rest and redressing his wounds. Nile had offered to let him stay with him, Maria and the girls but Erwin had declined. After all that had happened he just wanted to go home.

He realised his mistake the moment he walked through the door. More often than not he and Mike had stayed in rooms in the Scout Legion’s head quarters but this flat above a spice merchant had been theirs, a tiny bit of privacy away from their responsibilities.

Three weeks ago, the morning they had left the house, Mike had knocked over one of his boots and left it lying there. No one had been here in the meantime. The boot was still lying where Mike had left it. Erwin reached down to rectify that, knowing that Mike would’ve done that if he was here, but just before he touched it, Erwin recoiled as if burned.

Instead he hung up his coat and tried not to notice that there should be a second one there.

Never knowing when they would return, he and Mike had left the flat tidy. Yet there were little things left over from the last time they had been here that they had left because they thought they would have time later. 

Erwin felt his steps falter the further he went into his home. He half expected Mike to lie dozing on the couch with an open book on his chest like he had the last time Erwin had come home and countless times before.

Mike was gone but his book still lay on the coffee table, some novel about a young heiress uncovering the secrets of her uncle’s castle. It was popular and Erwin had teased Mike about how engrossed he had been in it.

He had had less than a week to live at that point and Erwin had teased him for it and now he would never finish it and – 

Erwin turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him. Tea, he decided, would the right thing for him. It would calm his nerves.

They had always done the dishes right after they had eaten and the last time hadn’t been an exception. Or rather Erwin had done the dishes since Mike was – had been the better cook between the two of them, the result of being the oldest sibling out of four with busy parents running a tailor shop.

There was a pack of matches in a kitchen drawer, firewood behind the kitchen door, a box of tea leaves in one of the cupboards and water in the well designated to his housing block. The task of going through the necessary steps alone and with only one arm seemed too much all of a sudden. He and Mike had always shared these duties, working in tandem like a well oiled machine.

For a moment he wanted to straighten his shoulders and proceed but he could just imagine Mike shaking his head and pushing him towards the bedroom, insisting he needed rest. He caught his reflection in the window. He needed to shave, another daunting task. When he had broken his arm three years ago Mike had done it for him. Now he would have to learn to do it on his own.

“One thing at a time”, Erwin said out loud and for a moment he could imagine Mike standing in the doorway, smiling in agreement.

If he had thought the living room was bad, the bedroom was worse. The bed was made but there were still creases on the duvet where Erwin had pulled Mike on his lap to kiss him the morning they had left.

Suddenly Erwin felt exhausted. Fortunately undressing was a relatively easy task even with one hand and soon he crawled under the covers. He pressed his face in Mike’s pillow but where Mike would be able to smell something all Erwin smelled was the sweat and dust of his grief. Mike was dead. The world was impossibly dull and he was stranded in it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
